Don`t even know how to start or how to express this so that I can make myself clear. It`s.. hard. Definitely. Sometimes too hard to describe it in words. Hard to tell the differences between two highschools ? Mno.. Hard to start a new beginnin` ? Not even close. It`s hard to put something behind you, to forget what`s been in the past. It`s not hard, it`s impossible. :) And no, I`m not bein` pesimistic, I`m realistic about it. I`m not living in the past, I`m not sayin` that.. just that.. it wouldn`t bother me if I did. :) What did Papiu mean ? An enormous.. capacious building full of square heads and comunist-ideas teachers. Disappearing personalities along with frowned faces and sad smiles. Low IQ college principals and teachers also. Lack of modern trends. Fear. Insignificance. On the outside, all these made of Papiu the perfect college, the place where the knowledge floats in the air. Bullshits ! They`re tryin` hard to keep the highschool`s prestige, but in the worst way ever. They should teach themselves first some know-how to behave.. :)
The Sanitary Highschool is inside a new building, very glamourous and shiny.. and white ! My eyes are fine when I get out of it, there`s plenty of light there. I was astonished of the way the teacher`s room looked like.. so damn small, just like my room or something. :) It doesn`t even compare to that cold, huge nest of snakes they have back there in Papiu.. Too bad I`m still having sighs about it.. :)
Humans are so stupid ! And I`m only human, unfortunately.. Humans try to find peace in other humans, and that is SO wrong. I mean.. look at me.. I miss Papiu because of my colleagues, because of the atmosphere, because of the pauses` discussions with intelligent people. God, how I miss that.. and it`s only been a week. Sometimes it hurts so bad I have to take deep breaths not to start cryin`. Papiu effect. Hard to get in, hard to survive, even harder to get out, but death is painful. If I`m dead, I wasn`t suppose to feel a thing, it was supposed to be a stage where nothing more is needed. I`m not dead. I`m alive and kickin`. ‘Show must go on’.. :)
Well.. first day in Sanitary.. got in ( didn`t even know where the pupils` entrance was ), and there was the cleaning-woman, shouting at me. Turned around and saw those footprints my shoes were leaving. Nice entrance. :) Who cared ? I didn`t go back, just went to my class, took a deep breath and entered the small classroom. Everybody stopped talking and laughing. They were all lookin` at me. ‘Hi !’ .. I waved a hand, told them everything they needed to know and then.. went to class. They were much more hospitable than I`ve ever expected. Even got myself a deskmate. Her name is Alexandra and she`s more intelligent than the rest of them. Also Crina, Lavi, Deea.. :) Good girls. Oh and uhm, ‘The Boss’.. :) He was quite like Cosmin, in a primal way of lookin` at the things. Nothing compares to the hospitality of Cosmin, that friendly smile and honest handshake.. just when I needed them. I`ll never forget that.
My formmaster is a witch. She`s teaching History. She already thinks bad about me. :) Damn, how can I always succeed that ? :)) She`s that dangerous kind of person that drags words from your depths and then uses them against you. I can`t believe what lies she has told to my mother. Oh well, I`m startin` to get used to this. They love me or they hate me. Good thing that I make a difference. :)
Don`t know what`s gonna happen. Sometimes I feel that the world is crashing, sometimes I feel like I`m invincible. Still have lots of things to learn and spending power to obtain. :) And that ‘You`re hard to forget’ is even more hard to forget for me.. :)) Long sad sigh.
I`ll make it. I`m strong. I have to be. For the sake of others ( :) ) if not for my own.