Memories` weekend

Sounds strange, I know, but I`ve been remembering shits all weekend. An unusual state of melancholia overwhelmed me when I was sittin` in the kitchen, havin` lunch, hearnin` my mom laughin` about something, just like my grandma` used to, my mother`s mom. :) She died four years ago, on Mother`s Day eve, but I still remember her like she just passed away yesterday. My granny was more than my mother in my childhood, she meant everything. Yes, she overprotected me, I was always a lonely kid because of her, but in the weirdest way, I don`t regret for a moment playin` with her instead of playin` with the other children back at the house in Tarnaveni. She was wonderful, and I must admit I loved her very much. No one ever understood me, as a child, better than she did. I admit that when I started to grow up I acted like a jerk.. Still remember the day I said I didn`t want her to stay in the same bed with me anymore.. it hurt her. It was during the winter time, at my apartment, I was 6 or 7. I remember winter. Damn, it was great. She always stayed with us a couple of months during the cold period because she was ill, she couldn`t walk quite ok. And then one time, when she reached my hand before I fell asleep.. I pushed it away.. `cause I didn`t have enough space to get comfy. Sheesh ! :/ And a few minutes before she died, she made some popcorn, and I refused to eat because my friend, Oana, was waitin` outside the house. Foolish memories, I know.. I should light a candle for her, I miss her very much.. she was an enormous help for me, at the beginning of the argue period with my mom.. My other grandma`, Iulia, wasn`t so close to me. She always spent her time preparing things to eat or washing dishes or clothes, or heck knows what else. Granny was spending time with me. I do miss her. Like hell. :/ Wish she`s better where she is now..
Dusk.. perfect sunsets, the night.. the metamorphosed world and a rhythm. I`m now listening to Seraphim – Over You with my eyes closed and here it comes.. the trance state. :) That euphoria within the bass, that passion within the lyrics. Summer. Summer means rhythm, bass and freedom. God, I miss summer. Can`t wait for it to arrive, to feel it in the hot air, in the dust, in the musical beats, in every living creature that comes to life during that season. ‘Always lookin` forward, never coming back’.. hmyea, you can put it that way too. :) I`ll reserve an exclusive post for my passion for the summer and the sea, the two illusions of my own private paradise. :)
Further on, I must say I feel miserable about some things going on in my life lately, but one in particular. Should I start with ‘I used to have a boyfriend’ ? :) What makes a woman love a man, anyway, now that the Prince Charming criteria is kinda old-fashioned ? Intelligence ? Age ? Fortune ? Spirit ? Prestige ? Let`s just admit that men that are perfect lovers and loving husbands that come home early and always smell like expensive perfume is more than unaccountably non-existent. :) The man nowadays tends to come home tired, after more than 8 hours of work, wishing on food and a nap.. after he gets the daily Internet dose. Good and bad parts ? You get less attention. You`d want romanticism, love, care, tenderness, you want to organize an escapade away from the routine.. but then you stop and think if he worths it. ‘Wait a minute, what did I do to deserve this ? Am I not young, original, smart and independent ?’ Instead of finding arguments for which his attention might not be focused on yourself, your mind starts creating defence spider webs. That`s how you get convinced that you`d be a lot better off alone, that you`d do just fine. You`d start feelin` free to flirt with others. Of course, why should you remain next to someone who doesn`t even notice you`re there ? Why should you love HIM ?
A normal guy is not Superman nor Prince Charming. Not even far, even if you`d like him to have all the possible qualities, including steel muscles, the height of the Eiffel Tour, blue eyes, a large variety of clothes, a foreign capacious car and an enormous chateau. Your boyfriend doesn`t have the greatest looks, doesn`t have the key to America`s savings` deposit, but when he brings you a flower, your heart goes boom. He makes mistakes, everyone does, it`s all human. Oh, and he makes unimportant mistakes ( admit it, you get upset because of sweet nothings ! ), but he smiles when you do and he`s sad when you are. Tones of little things that prove he really cares about you, but which you forget in critical moments, when you feel he loves his mouse more than he loves you. :)
Why do you love him ? Because you feel he loves you, because he holds you tight during horror movies, because he goes out to buy you the cake you drool for all day long, because he sees you as the most beautiful woman ever, because Angelina Jolie`s lips or Pamela Anderson`s breasts wouldn`t make him as happy as you make him, because when the day is over and he lays down in the bed, he`s gonna tell YOU ‘I love you’, and the examples could go on.
But what happens when you accidentally find out in an ICQ history chat with his best friend that when he first invited you at his place was because somebody else was out of town for the weekend ? What happens when he invites you to the theatre just because somebody else invited him first ? What happens when after all, he`s always the victim and you`re always the one to blame ? What happens when the day is over and you don`t know where he is ? What happens when he doesn`t even wishes you ‘Good night, stupid’ ? What happens when if he pushes you away, he tells you in the face that you`re out there, cheating on him, enjoying someone else`s company ?
What happens when all the good feelings are gone … ?

3 thoughts on “Memories` weekend

  1. Lucky bastard and you have the nerv to complain ?
    sheesh as you would say probably if i was in your shoes it wouldn`t have looked different anyway …. anyway i`m loosing my memory …uhm who are u miss ?

  2. Aahahahahahahhahaahahahahaaaa.. :)))))))) You are one crazy twisted mind son of a bitch ! :)))) ..And one of the ‘bestest’ friends I`ve ever had. :)

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