My first picture :)

He said this is supposed to be my pink fluffy laptop. I don`t agree. :P I can`t understand men nowadays. Why are they asociating blondes with pink ? I really can`t figure that one out, I probably need some guidance. :)
Ah, you`ll have to excuse him, he`s a duck. :))))))))

Having phun lately

Too much fun, that is, if you look on the compromised side of my life right now : the fact that I`ve gotta make it at maths. Well, anyway, yesterday everyone was in laughing moods. So many subtle facts ( or sometimes not that subtle ), so much laughing ( `till tears were brought in our eyes ), so.. ignoring everything and concentrating on having phun.. :)
A few facts :
1. Math class. Lobi ( well, Lobontz ), our math teacher, was testin` Tziru ( Ale, my deskmate ) at the blackboard. She solved a complicated exercise, and in the end she had some calculations to do, and she kept writing wrong answers at the final multiplication. Ionel told her the final result, but she can`t hear that well ( as well as she can`t see either, that`s why I always copy everything from the blackboard and she always copies from me, or worse, she keeps askin` me what is written here or there, or on the 5th line in the left.. It`s annoyin` ! :/ ). Ionel is kinda` boor, and he gets irritated pretty fast, so when Tziru wrote the wrong answer again, he said ‘1024!!’ really loud, so that she can hear. Tziru was laughing, and wrote I don`t know.. ‘104’ maybe.. :)) Then Ionel, who usually sustains his back on the chair, strongly patted the desk and said ‘1024!!!!!!!’.. Aaaaaahahahaha.. :) Lobi smiled and was very quiet, he didn`t say a thing, he kept walking in the classroom like nothing happened. Tziru, of course, wrote it wrong again, and Ionel was driven mad : ‘Jesus, she`s stupid !’ ( and he did the ‘drop it’ gesture with his hand, but very wide ). Then he said : ‘1024, can`t you hear ?!?!’.. Aaaaahahahhahaha :)))))))) The whole class started laughing, as they all know Tziru is wacko and Ionel gets angry fast. Even Lobi was laughin` his ass out.. Tziru did, too.. :) Didn`t we all ? :))))))))
2. This Ionel guy seems to have the right answering back sentence all the time. When the Romanian teacher came to announce us she was coming to class, but she`s goin` to be late, Ionel said really loud : ‘There`s no rush!’.. I`m like aaaaahahahahahaha even now ! I can`t reproduce everything as I wish, in reality it was all a lot phunnier..
3. Geography class. Vulc, the teacher, was teaching us something about zootechny.. You know.. : cows, pigs, horses, chickens.. Well, me and Tziru, Andreea and Crina were sniggering all the way because an hour earlier, in the park, all we talked about was Vali ( the ox ) and Bitzi ( the cow ) and the way they must be copulating. :))))))) I didn`t laugh like that since primary school maybe, I don`t know what got into me ! Well, into us all.. It was rather stupid, but hei.. that`s what amuses me more ! Oh my God, I`m acting like a real dork.. ahahahaha :)))))))))
4. Scrofo is Pogacean`s nickname, and when we played ping-pong, we had to open the windows, the atmosphere was incredibly muggy. Outside was all smoky, a terrible smelling smoke, like when you fry the pig before Christmas. And well.. Scrofo identifies himself with a pig, so I said.. ‘Oh come on, who`s fryin` you outside ?!’.. Everyone started laughin`, especially Tziru, who has old ‘conflicts’ goin` on with him ( I only remember the water one.. DON`T ask ! :))))))))))) ).
5. One of the past days, I was at Ioana`s place, changing programms on TV, boring ourselves.. We stopped at Atomic TV.. there was this stupid song played by that guy from Ass-Zone ( you know, O-Zone.. :/ ), Arsenie or something. Ioana : ‘What a silly song !’ .. After a while.. ‘I bet Tziru likes it..’ .. Aaaaaahahahahaha, we decided to ask her the next day. And so we did. Well, I did, during the Physics class. Ioana reminded me to do it ( she was sitting behind me, and Tziru well, unfortunately, next to me, as always.. :))) ). How should I describe Tziru`s reaction when I asked her about wether she likes the song or not.. ? Everything was quiet, and then she broke out: ‘Oooooh yeeeeeees !!!!! I like it so muuuuuch !’.. Aaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha.. my God, tears were dripping out of my eyes while me and Ioana were laughin` like a bunch of ‘complete morons’, using someone`s expression. :)))))))
I guess this is it.. for now. I`m havin` a wonderful time at that highschool. :)

Lovely Sunday

:D :))))) =)))) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I`m feelin` happy.. :))))))
I wanna laugh and dance and run around like crazy !
Yea`, I had a great day ! GREAT ! First, I went shopping with my folks ( gotta say I usually hate shopping ) and I didn`t got annoyed ! My mom even told me she felt like we were close again, like I`m not that wild like I used to be ( yea` right :D – nevermind me, I`m whistlin`.. How`s the weather ? :P ). Well, I was calm and patient, and too sleepy to speak my mind, so for the first time in some years.. I actually enjoyed shopping.. even with my parents. That`s weird !
And wwweeelllll…. :))))) My personal life seems to be back on track. All I can see is ducks everywhere. I have a duckling heart :)))))))..
Some Sunday ! Too bad `morrow I have to wake up early.. it`s phuckin` Monday. Awful.

This is bad..

I once again must say that the human brain and its tricks truly amaze me. I`ve been goin` through a severe agony in the past months.. no. Love`s an agony itself, so it must be going on for a.. long time. :) So, there were my heart and brain fighting, one more stubborn than the other.. Well, the heart was gettin` all the pain, so I can`t understand why she is complaining now.. :P I mean.. the admirable brain.. did her only good. It inhibated the love feeling. Yes, it did. It only needed a reason.. and there it was : the disappointment. The ‘mda’ was only disappointment. No pain, no anger, no regret, no ‘I don`t give a phuck’. Just disappointment and equanimity. Equanimity helped the brain to clear out the pain in the heart and over the feeling of love it couched emptiness. The heart was numbed ever since. Couldn`t feel a thing, only a bitter cold wind puncturing her once in a while, when the brain was starting to feel sorry for what he had done. On the other hand, the brain thought it was better that way, he had enough of the dark moody weather and the undying questions : ‘Now what ?’, ‘Why is this happening to me ?’, ‘Why doesn`t he trust me ?’, ‘What did I do wrong ?’, ‘Is he playin` with me again ?’, ‘Does he care ?’, ‘Is he going to do that for real or he`s just lyin` to make me feel better ?’, ‘Did he really wanted to be here or someplace else ?’.. and the one wonder that caused the fighting of the brain and heart : ‘I wonder what he`s doing right now…’
And by the time I`m writing all these, the heart`s numbness vanishes and the brain awfully reacts again. There goes the ‘salty discharge’ too.. That`s when the brain starts questioning himself over and over again, until exhaustion : ‘Is this ever gonna stop… ?’

About people

Hi, I`m almost 18. Almost an adult and I roughly know a damn thing about how this world works, about the people. I never said I was smart, but at least I thought I was people-smart.. and I am….. more like an intruder in that definition, but I`m so.. softhearted with myself that I forgive me. :P Shit, I`m acting like a total teenage ‘dirtbag’, which indulges herself over limit.
What am I, actually ? Trapped. I`m trapped. Trapped in this world that can`t stop and think about the reason why it is moving, the reason for which it exists. I wish everything could stop for a minute, only a minute, brainwashing all the worries, the sorrows, the anger.. and let human minds think about themselves and everybody else. Especially everybody else. C`mon, people ! I can`t believe this.
Awful day today, and I find this incredibly frustrating, me writing it down on the computer, on this page where probably no one will ever read it. Sometimes, I wish I could speak all the languages and talk to everyone on this planet. :) This is childish ! Only a kid dreams about saving the world. But what in the world can I do ? Even Superman died, so.. hmpf.
So, day review : my mom seems to be yelling at me for any reason ( if she doesn`t have one, she creates an imaginary one so that she can hear herself shouting ). My colleagues piss me off with their laziness, stupidity and their ridiculous ideas about the fact that they live an incredibly rough life at that highschool. My formmaster is so stupid she can`t even speak Romanian or calculate 30 + 1, but she has the hypocrisy to play the role of a good formmaster, to chide us about failling to get a stupid lousy 5 at school, especially math ( not me in particular, but indirectly I know she was reffering to me.. the bitch, she doesn`t even know me, but I have an X written on my forehead.. ). Moving on with my day, the duck working when all I needed was some ‘you`re gonna do it at maths, no summer stress for you, miss’.. And lastly, we analysed Alex, the one and only Animal, call him however you wish.. and we got to the conclusion he`s using us : me, _ADI_, adim.. not Cristi.. Cristi isn`t stupid, he ‘smells’ people and he tells everyone to their faces everything that passes through his head. :) All in all.. I AM GOING UUUUUNDEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR.. :) Pfffff, this ain`t living. I`m not gonna make it at maths.. and that`s gonna suck.. entirely.
I can`t judge people. I just can`t. Calling somebody ‘stupid’ won`t make me smarter. Saying somebody doesn`t care won`t make them care more. This is how life goes. You`re lonely, but never alone. Even that shouldn`t turn us into hypocrits ( my formmaster ), coaxes ( Animal ) or unscrupulous fighters ( well, me.. :/ ).
Oh and uhm.. some other thing I`ve learnt about people.. they never change entirely. They try to, but for impressively good reasons. A few make it, but you never know when they go back to what they were before.
Humanity.. weird exposure to everything.


Hmyea`, I`m the one that`s down due to the latest events. I think I`ve got some tension problems, my ears just seem to whistle more and more often, and when I`m drinkin` Pepsi and eatin` chocolate it`s like the world is ending : my heart beats extremely fast and unorganized. I think I could have some serious health problems with my heart.