This is bad..

I once again must say that the human brain and its tricks truly amaze me. I`ve been goin` through a severe agony in the past months.. no. Love`s an agony itself, so it must be going on for a.. long time. :) So, there were my heart and brain fighting, one more stubborn than the other.. Well, the heart was gettin` all the pain, so I can`t understand why she is complaining now.. :P I mean.. the admirable brain.. did her only good. It inhibated the love feeling. Yes, it did. It only needed a reason.. and there it was : the disappointment. The ‘mda’ was only disappointment. No pain, no anger, no regret, no ‘I don`t give a phuck’. Just disappointment and equanimity. Equanimity helped the brain to clear out the pain in the heart and over the feeling of love it couched emptiness. The heart was numbed ever since. Couldn`t feel a thing, only a bitter cold wind puncturing her once in a while, when the brain was starting to feel sorry for what he had done. On the other hand, the brain thought it was better that way, he had enough of the dark moody weather and the undying questions : ‘Now what ?’, ‘Why is this happening to me ?’, ‘Why doesn`t he trust me ?’, ‘What did I do wrong ?’, ‘Is he playin` with me again ?’, ‘Does he care ?’, ‘Is he going to do that for real or he`s just lyin` to make me feel better ?’, ‘Did he really wanted to be here or someplace else ?’.. and the one wonder that caused the fighting of the brain and heart : ‘I wonder what he`s doing right now…’
And by the time I`m writing all these, the heart`s numbness vanishes and the brain awfully reacts again. There goes the ‘salty discharge’ too.. That`s when the brain starts questioning himself over and over again, until exhaustion : ‘Is this ever gonna stop… ?’

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