Fascination Street

The most ridiculous fear in life is the fear of being ridiculous

The return of the thesis

:)).. I`m Lord Of The Ringsistic, I know.
Well, the math one was a total fiasco. I think I`ll spend my summer studyin` all the math bullshit. I`m failling. Can only save myself with.. 4 X 10.. Whatta joke ! There are better chances of winning some loto jackpot. Not only that my whole summer and freedom will be compromised, but the fact that scares me the most is that I lose my place at Sanitary highschool. Isn`t that shitty.. ? After I finally managed to get along with my colleagues.. pf, why is this happening again ? It`s like there is trouble where I go. My second name is trouble. Trouble who ? Trouble Math, Trouble Family, Trouble Love, Trouble Friends, Trouble Society.. Trouble Life. I`ve got plenty names. :) How do I feel ? Disappointed because of myself, hating every piece of my unexistent brains, and carrying it alone, as usual.
Despair caught me in the day I found out the grade of my math thesis. I just got up from the chair in the middle of the French class and went outside (the teacher didn`t come), seeing black in front of my eyes. I felt overwhelmed by pain and disgust by everyone and everything. Is this what I`m going to remember from the last period of my childhood ? Is this the summer in which I`ll be 18 ? Is this what I`m going to tell my nephews (if I`ll ever get to that age) when they`re goin` to ask me about what`s it like to be an adult ? I can`t take it anymore. I swear. Nothing`s going ok.
I just wanna be left alone. What am I sayin` ? I am alone. I can`t seem to find understanding. It doesn`t even deserve being looked for. ‘Ooooh, Roxa, everybody knows her, she has SO many friends and such a lovely life !’.. Like Cotoara in the English classes says.. BULLSHIT ! Friends ? What friends ? Who am I turning to when I feel all these ? Who ? Nobody. Who turns to me and asks how life is ? Nobody. So what friends ? I stand alone.
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3 Responses to “The return of the thesis”

  1. cristi

    heh i`m close to failing java becose of the stupid tests. Life is like shit w/ all the add-ons. And math…. shit girl i allready forgot what i learned this year and school isn`t over yet.

  2. Roxa Trutza

    I phuckin` hate maths. And loneliness. :)

  3. cristi

    i stan alone…. god smack :P

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