Monthly Archives: June 2005

Holi-holiday

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I`ve been here for two days… stood in the sun to get a bit of a color on my skin today. I`m the only one not burnt. My folks are red on their backs and shoulders. Nothing unusual `till there, but guess what else I did today ? I drove my dad`s car down the street for about 3 or 4 kilometers. It was great I tell you, GREAT ! Well, except the times when I had to start the car or go backwards, I manage to do everything quite ok. Must admit I have a lot to learn, but I bet it`s not that hard. I even got ahead of a cart.. my dad was feeling proud of me. :) Finally, something to be proud of.. `cause otherwise, kinda hard.
I was on the top of the hill today, in the evening, to watch the sun seting, in the exact same place about a year ago I was there with a bunch of people, having phun and givin` marks to thunders. What a lovely time we had then.. and what a shame nothing`s the same since then.
Lola, the dog, is eating something. Crickets are singing. Darkness is falling`. Everything`s quiet though. Smells like shwred. I look at the sky and all I can see is insects and small, lost, spread clouds. The grass is wet and slippery. It`s colder and colder. I watch a mosquito suckin` blood from my foot.. through the clothes. Interesting. Minor pain. The dog crashes the bones as it`s chewing them. I can barely see what I write. Too cold and windy. Time to go in the house. I love this place !

I`ll be back

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I`ll be goin` `morrow at Galautasi, a village in Harghita county.. there is where I used to spend my holidays when I was a kid. That place has everything but a sewage system, so the ‘toilet’ is a wood thing in the back of the yard, and for washing you either use the creek flowing in the glade, either you.. become more creative. :)))) Can`t wait to get there, away from all this stress and shit..
Anyway, this is the yard..

Pffffff, can`t wait to sit under a tree, drinkin` cold fountain water. Anyway, I`ll take the Disney notebook with me and write there too, so you`ll know what I`ve been doin`. Well now, gone packin`, gettin` ready to dance with the bears. :D

Quiz

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Q : How did you imagine your 18th birthday in your childhood ?
A : Well, I imagined it as a metamorphosis, a day in which something magical came and turned me into an adult.. I surely thought it was gonna be like a sudden passage from child to adult.. like some kind of transition or.. I don`t know..
Q : And, how was it ?
A : Awful. I was anxious all day long, feelin` like a mummy.. I really felt old. And that adult thing I imagined in my childhood.. what a crap. Becoming mature takes time, a lot of time.. You learn all your life and you`re still gonna die not knowing 90% about this world.
Q : How did you spend this day ?
A : Watching movies. My right eye is completely red from all this sittin` in front of the monitor thing..
Q : That`s how you celebrated ?
A : I didn`t celebrate. There is really nothing to celebrate..
Q : Yes, but what about friends and familiy.. ?
A : My close and true friends called me, it was ok.. My family has given me some space on my birthday, but still they were blabin` something about me being isolated.. Nevermind, they`ll soon forget.
Q : How do you feel now, at the end of the day ?
A : Glad it`s over.

18 ? You`ve gotta be kiddin` me

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Words come more easily on real paper… or at least that`s what I thought. Can`t believe I`m actually keepin` this notebook Dexter ( which came by today… ) gave me. Can`t believe I`m in bed, holding a pencil in my hand and actually writing what I feel, what I think… Of course I`ll post this and share it with the rest of the world ( I`m doin` it right now ), but I really must use this method now because RDS, our beloved internet provider which seems to be offering its usual quality services.
Tomorrow I`ll be 18… an adult. I feel like crap. Was this number of years I`m carryin` suppose to make me feel any better… or more important, or anything ?
I have the same phuckin` problems… I mean, yesterday he didn`t even wave his hand to me when I left his place in the cab. I feel like he`s having a contemptuous attitude towards me lately. Don`t know why. Things from the past are being brought to discussion, things I forgot, things I wanna forget and things I never knew.. which he`s telling me now. I`m like wow, reality bites… in my birthday`s eve. And I`ve sworn, before his birthday, that I won`t get mad at him for two weeks before that day, so that he would feel happy, no matter what he said or done. Reality really bites..
Birthdays suck big time. Everyone around you starts treating you nice just because you were born exactly x years ago. Am I the only one that finds that absurd ? Come to think of it.. you happen to find out that you have an unbelievable number of friends and people that wish you good on your birthday, then, after THE DAY is over, you won`t hear from them another year and.. so on, until they completely forget you exist. Why isn`t there a person in this goddamned world to ask you constantly and from the heart ‘How are you ?’, ‘What are you thinking about ?’. I`m so sick of ‘Don`t know’, ‘Don`t care’, ‘Don`t give a shit’, ‘None of my business’. I AM SICK ! I look at life using them too, but even that is rare compared to what I have around me.
I remember Crini`s words from that night I really spoke my mind, two years ago, the only night someone has dared to listen to me… ask… and care : ‘I hope you don`t turn out an unscrupulous fighter’. Guess what I am now ? Well, we`re still the godesses of darkness, lookin` at the world as if it`s a continous source of unexpected events. She`s cold and numb, I`m alive and kickin`… she`s the ice, I`m the fire. We went on our separate roads, but we still rock the spot when we meet.
Presents ? Hm… maybe a yacht this year. Yeap, mom and dad, that`ll do, it`s enough. Gimme a break ! I already told them I don`t want anything. I don`t deserve the money they were going to spend on me… I really don`t, not after all that`s been. I`d forget I`m 18 in exchange of their forgiveness. Mom felt offended when I told her I don`t want anything. I`m useless. And I`ve done nothing but wrong. Presents don`t come along with these. No sir. Parties either. Well, my folks kinda obliged me today to go buy something, so I bought a TEAC DVD writer. Really needed one. Don`t deserve it, but… it`ll arrive next week from Bucharest. My birthday will be just another ordinary day.
By the way (?), can somebody tell me why can`t I find inner peace ? I mean.. I`ve been livin` with this anxiety for years now… the feelin` won`t let me go. I need to get rid of it, it`s annoyin` and it sometimes brings me down.. deep down.
So, I`m 18 and.. I don`t give a fuck.
P.S. Sorry I`m so mad. I just read all of this and now I feel really sorry for some words written. Great, depression time now.
P.P.S. Uhm, that was last night. Now I`m mad again. About-to-scream-mad.

Open Water

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Can`t tell whether I`m totally messed up or if I`m impressed. Anyway, I`m as silent as I can get… on the outside.
I`ve just seen ‘Open Water’, a low-budget movie produced by Lion Gates Films ( just like SAW, another great movie ).

It`s a drama about two divers, an american couple that are accidentally left in the middle of the ocean. You`ve gotta see this movie, it truly moved me in a way I can`t explain. I do feel small and insignificant, but even more, I fear death. Not just any kind of death, but the death of others before me… and the conditions in which this might happen. This movie is based on a true story, which is even more shockin`. It`s an intense psychological film, which will make you understand or simply assist to human behaviour in desperate situations. You must be very open-minded and think about the movie`s ending, which is why I think many people won`t find it entertaining. Nowadays movies suck, they give you every piece of information, slowing down the way a watcher`s brain reacts. This is completely different. ‘Open Water’ makes you identify yourself with the characters, places you in the middle of the ocean, only with your loved one to take care of, in waters hidding great predators that first study you, then kill you, all these without special effects or terryfing-lookin` sharks… it`s just the nature following its course, but in the most frightnin` way.
Makes you wonder… life`s fragile and can be easily taken away… why can`t you simply enjoy it while you have it ? Why is arguing and pointing finger at your loved one occurs so often ? Oh man… this movie was brilliant. I`m still sad and quiet about it, tears apart my heart and revolts my brain, but I have to admit this movie`s unique. Just like your life. And the people you love the most. Don`t waste this.
Must mention that I keep having this weird nightmare about me drowning in the ocean. I had for almost 4 times. Why only almost ? Because in the last one I woke up… not to die again, I said to myself, being aware it was only a dream. :)
I need a hug. :/

From normal to stupid – part II

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So, as I was promising, here`s the second part of the most well built information gather of our unevolved brains… Ahaahaha, in other words, let me tell you about other stupid things we`ve been doing lately. :)))))))

1. Ioana and I have this custom of going to the hospital in the 20 minutes break to buy ourselves food, good, fresh and cheap fast-food and eat it all by ourselves, away from the full of hungry beasts class. :) I mean, we can`t buy anything and go eat it in the classroom.. there are monsters everywhere, wishing on what we have to eat. :-S That`s completely outrageous ! :) So we decided to eat once a day, walking slowly ( shlouli =))))))) ) back from the hospital, enjoying our tasty lunch. Anyway, one Tuesday, posessed of our beloved retard monkey, Charlie, guess what we did ? We skipped the religious education class ( imagine what we`ve found to skip… /:) ), like a bunch of brain damaged people.. Just the two of us. We went to the hospital and bought food. Plenty of food. The man that was selling that day was raising his eyebrows constantly during the time we kept asking for more and more.. :)))) Afterwards, we went to the park, somewhere where we could be all alone to take pleasure in our food, like some pack of not-so-hungry, but let`s-eat-this-quietly wolves. :))) Stupid all the way ! Useless to say we were laughing and shouting, acting like jerks under the Charlie effect… :)

2. One Thursday, after the History class, a thin middle-aged woman walks in the classroom. Tziru, as she sees her, rapidly gets her big ass off the chair and quickly hops thowards her. She was her mom, coming to school to check on her eminent student. :) Right… Tziru never mentioned to her she has failled Physics in the first semester, so she was scared, begging her mom to go home, promising desperately that she would tell her everything. :)))) That was one hell of a view ! In a couple of moments, her mom was outside the classroom with our formmaster, and Tziru nervously slammed the door, rushing to her chair, cryin` like a baby. On her way to the desk, as she was running, tryin` to look very artistic in her suffering, she tried to fall on the chair perfectly for everyone to see her world tumble and fall, but the poor chair gave in her weight, spinning around with her, knocking all the desks.. Aaaaaahahahaha, that was rich ! I mean, we didn`t know whether to laugh or support her.. Well, anyway, she was even more hysterical because of the fact that her performance was a fiasco.. :))))))))))))))) As if these weren`t enough, at the Romanian class, the teacher, with her unconscionable and calm style, says to poor and already damaged Tziru.. ‘Your poor mother comes here, small, thin and stressed because you cause her problems, and you just sit here, big, fat and insane.’ .. Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha.. Ioana and I couldn`t help ourselves.. we had tears in our eyes from laughing again. For the first time anyone said something about her, Tziru didn`t laugh. Well, who cares ? All the class did.. :)))))))) We`re jerks, we know.. but that was too phunny !
After this happening, we were again making phun of every small thing, every little detail, EVERYTHING. Anyway, after a while, when we thought the atmosphere had settled down, one break, we see cropping up the door a head, a big enormous square-shapped head, very similar to Lavi`s, only with male features upon it. :)))))) Her dad coming to school to check on her genius child.. mwahahahaa.. :)))))) Ioana and I were sitting on our desks, enjoying the show, all we needed was some popcorn maybe.. :))) Lavi hurried thowards the door, waving her bacon, not before sayin`.. ‘Oh my Gosh..’ Well, that was a ‘thulai Doamne’ actually, but translated it means something like that.. :)))) Another laugh, another Charlie, Jesus, that day was full of such events.. :))))) Unlike Tziru, Lavi was lucky, her dad didn`t got a closer look on the catalogue.. :) Dammit, fools are always in luck.

3. Cotoara is one of my colleagues, a very smart guy, having a rich general culture ( well, he definitely is ahead of anyone of us, especially at History.. By the way, I phuckin` hate History. :D ). His only problem is that well, I think he suffered a lot in the past. He`s too distant and he doesn`t care much about anyone but himself. Heh, he`s like an iceberg : you can see he`s cold and in pain, but you`ll never pass the ice layer. :) Just like I wanna be for the future, I mean his style, not that he`s atractive in any way or that his style is admirable. No, it isn`t. He`s a living dead with a burdened mind, but anyway, he`s cool, you can get along with him fine if you`re smart enough. Well, one day he was playin` table tennis and Bandean kept bothering him, asking something. Cotoara answered him a few times, but he talks really fast, I think Bandean didn`t understand what he replied, so he asked over and over again the same question. Then Cotoara got mad and yelled at him.. well, it was more a roar than a yell : ‘I TOLD YOUUU !!!!!!!’ Bandean was mute. :)))))))) Then, with a soft sweet voice, smiling without pause between the scream and this, he continued : ‘I already told you, they`re on my desk.’ .. Ahahahahaha.. :))))))) Astonishing.. amusing piece of shit. :)

3. Scrofo and Pavel were answering at Romanian.. We were tryin` to whisper to them the right answers, as Scrofo was asked the names of the four novels belonging to the Halipa cycle. He didn`t knew the name of the first one, so we were tryin` to help : ‘Fecioare despletite ! Fecioare despletite !’ [ ‘Dishevelled virgins’ ] Scrofo listens, then says : ‘Picioare despletite..’ [ ‘Dishevelled legs’ ].. Mwahahahahahahahhaaaaaaa.. :)))))) The only one not laughing was the teacher.
Pavel ? Oh, this one`s even more waggish, as I was the whisperer.. :))))) The teacher asked the names of Herdelea`s kids from the novel ‘Ion’ by Liviu Rebreanu. And there goes Pavel.. ‘Titu, Laura and uhm….’ I knew the name, but it was hard to whisper, as there was this stupid perfect silence in the classroom.. ‘Ghighi ! Ghiiiiighi !!’ .. Pavel : ‘Chichi’ .. Aaaahahahahahhaa :))))))))))) Gids… :)))))))) Uhm.. I meant, kiiiids.. :)))))))))

4. Today, at my place, Ioana begged me to show her this new pair of fluffly panties I`ve bought. I had other stuff on my mind and instead of telling her I washed them and they`re dryin` on the balcony, I only said.. ‘Oh, they`re outside..’. Ioana was in my room ( no balcony here ) and looked straight at the window, outside.. ‘Where.. ?’ Mwahahahahahahahahaha.. :))))))))) Do panties grow on trees ? Or do they fly ? Sheesh.. :))))))))))

Too much phun lately, this will end up bad.. :)

What ?

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WhaaAaaaAAAat ? :) Why are you lookin` at me like that ? Sure I wanna write ! Of course, I mean d`oh… But why ? Why can`t I just speak my mind ? `Coz I`m tired, stressed and freaked out. Why ? `Coz I`m afraid of loosing freedom this summer.
I need a summer job, by the way. Desperately. Something, anything ! Wish I had my own money… and wish I`d make them doing what I like.. and I like writing. Dammit, I`m gonna die of starvation. :)
Oh please, don`t take my summer away. And please, don`t ask me who I`m talking to. I am crazy.

Not another teen post

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There are maaaany things going on lately : I had the first two Cambridge exams : Listening and Speaking. Oh joy :) Well, I did just fine at Listening ( thank God we didn`t have do deal with dialects. I freakin` hate those ! ), but I did a *blank* at Speaking, about 3 seconds long, until Ujica, my partner, saved me. Dammit, I was sure that was going to happen. I mean c`mon, they ask me things that even in Romanian are hard to explain.. fluently. :P It was more than ok afterwards, I managed to get back on track and everything went smooth from that moment on. Hiuh ! I`m glad that`s over ! :) The other 3 exams are in 15 of June : Reading, Writing and English in Use. I`m only afraid because of those stupid paragraphs at Reading, otherwise I know I`ll manage somehow. C`mon, I can`t be a native English speaker. :) Goddammit !
Apocalyptica are coming to town ! :) Oh yea` baby, in 31st of July this year, at the Peninsula Festival, in our town ! OMG !!! I`m gonna go go goooo.. :) I can`t wait to hear them, they`re SO cool. But hey, System Of A Down are betta`… :D I`m a freak. I know.
School ? Still working on that math bullshit. Doooon`t wanna talk about it. :
And uhm, yes, I do apologize that it`s ‘today’ and I didn`t wrote the second part of ‘From normal to stupid’, but I have this book awaiting : ‘The Great Gatsby’ by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It`s in English, I read a few pages and it looks interesting and even appealing to me. ;) So, as I was sayin`, don`t feel under the weather, the second post about abnormality will soon come. Promise !