Fascination Street

The most ridiculous fear in life is the fear of being ridiculous

Just jabbering around…

Yeah, this is one of the useless posts in which I`m lettin` everyone know how my life`s going.. So uninteresting, I know, I`m aware.. but I have to, it`s essential to me, even if I`d better start writing those articles for EgoPHobia.. maybe later.. I need to get really pissed off first, because I planned to write as sarcastic and mean as I can. >:)
Soooo.. my so-called relationship is on timeout for a week now.. Hmpf.. _ADI_`s like a leaf in the wind.. Everyone`s opinion counts, he`s so influenced.. and it really scares me to get involved.. What if his parents won`t agree ? ( His father already has something against me.. I sense it.. ) What if the gang of guys will suddenly decide I`m not good enough for him ? That`ll certainly make him wonder. He`s not strong, he can`t fight, he said it.. and I know that too well.. after all, I know him so well :). Too well for this kind of relationship. I`m scared and I admit it. Don`t know what to think and how to judge this.. He wants to continue, he made it clear, now it`s up to me.. but I`m stuck. On one side I want it too, but there are thousands of things that pull me back. First, there`s no love. Not from me, not from him. We decided it`ll be something that.. grows into us.. but.. how do we know it`ll grow ? :)) Silly.. We`re kids, wondering. I can`t believe I`m after an almost 2 years relationship and I have these questions on my mind. I should know ! If not me, then who ? Adi ? Get serious.. I barely taught him how to kiss :))). And if this turns out not to work.. the triangle ( me, Adi, Csabi ) will disappear.. we`re the gang, we`re best friends, we rock together.. should we spoil it ? Dammit, if my hand was on a trigger, the decesion would have been much easier. Can`t just go with the flow.. I`m supposed to be mature and think twice now. And that`s what I`m doing.. thinking.. thinking.. but time`s tickin`.. tickin`.. What`s with the rush, anyway ? I`m freakin` 18.
Pfff.. complete menu : school started. I`m so amazed to observe the teachers are so far from the thought of retrieving the lessons.. they only want grades.. to have the money and a clear position in front of everyone who dares to put some questions. I don`t get it.. it`s all slipping away from my mind.. I`m loooooosing it !
Heh, I get along well with the rockers in my class, the three princes, like I`ve said. The Cage experience has repeated, with 4 beers this time, but.. I didn`t even feel them. Probably because I was sleeping `till 12 o`clock ? :-” .. Wasn`t me.. :))
Started listening to Disturbed and Slipknot. It`s bad, isn`t it ? :P
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5 Responses to “Just jabbering around…”

  1. Rainforest

    the opinion of his parents, gang or anybody else shouldn’t count that much. oh, imagine haivng love in the ecuation, taking it for granted and as the years go by, so does the love and you wake up one morning missing the most powerfull words on earth: i love you. Fuck, how I miss that, wish I could turn back the time or make it happen now.

    Just listen to your heart and to his heart then go for it. I know that the “life is too short” thing can make some people say “yeah, right” but it’s so fucking true.

    Oh, nevermind me. :) I had a bad hair day. :D

    lol, what a verification word: cuuwffwa; find the hidden meaning…

  2. mystique

    Damn, I’m speachless :-S. I think I agree with rainforest, though…

  3. Roxa Trutza

    Shouldn`t count ! That doesn`t mean it doesn`t count.. I`m sorry, rain.. sorry you miss the words.. I miss `em too.. it`s been a while since I last heard them.. My heart is so numb to this… like it wouldn`t matter.. Hmpf. Anyway, thanks guys..

  4. Cougar Of All Trades

    quoting: ” On one side I want it too, but there are thousands of things that pull me back. First, there`s no love. Not from me, not from him.”

    .. period.

    it`s extremely important to learn how to evaluate the right circumstances and situations. otherwise, you end up wondering what the heck is wrong with your heart and mind and eventually shut yourself down with respect to your ability to feel anything. which is far from being desirable, isn`t it? you were good friends, right? stick to that, both of you; support each other without any romance involved. that should render down the confusion and the ramifications. occam`s razor, girl, occam`s razor..

    disturbed and slipknot? kittens. you know it.

  5. Roxa Trutza

    Cougar, we`re in between mind states ( or is this called soul ? can`t tell anymore ).. we desire this too much to stop here, so I guess we`ll go with the flow, even if you`re perfectly right, and I know it. But I`m living present now.

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