Vagueness breaker

Finally, home, in front of the computer, writing here. Something weird is happening.. Wish I knew what, everything seems so vague in my head.. It`s like I`ve just escaped from a mental hospital. I feel oddly. I`m the scared inhabitant walking backwards in a haunted house.
My dad`s new job dictates a lot of travelling for him.. he won`t be home that much. It scares me.. Not only that I have to clean up the house more than I used to, I have to pay the bills, take care of the car, go shopping, but because I feel something`s missing.
I took an 8 at Maths today.. When I told mom, she was too busy yelling me I forgot to pay the phone bill, it was like she didn`t notice what I was sayin`.. it`s 8, and it`s Maths.. hello ? I never had such grades at Maths.
At school everything`s frustrating.. I have to fuck everything up when there are only 2 more weeks `till the end of the first semester. But yet, it`s not fair.. it`s not entirely my fault. Come to think about the circumstances, it`s not my fault at all. Won`t go into too much details.
My relationship with Adi ? Not even there.. It stagnates, and I won`t move a goddamn finger for it to work. I`m too tired for that crap, and it seems meaningless without feelings. He never surprises me with anything, and I hate routine. I`m going with the flow, the spirit of the moment is everything, he`s the kinda guy who thinks twice. Blinded twice. With love. And I`m cold. And it hurts. Him more than me.
BD ? OK, this is crazy.. I`ve found out his whole name, address, phone number, but the guy is still a huge mystery. Everything he does or thinks is engulfed in mystery. His voice is a mystery. Maybe I should throw myself in front of his 23 blue bus for some attention..
Can`t even post a picture..
I need a vagueness breaker. What do I feel ? Frustration filled with anger. Vague feeling, but present and strong. Break that.

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