Fascination Street

The most ridiculous fear in life is the fear of being ridiculous

Anger, rage, temper… loneliness.

I call it a habit. The ‘against everything’ habit of mine. Things aren`t exactly going my way this period, and anger dominates me, filling me with energy in the night and exhaustion during the day, which is kinda fucked up, by the way. Wanna know how far it goes ?
I can barely wake up in the morning, trembling because of the lack of sleep. During a regular day at school, I almost fall asleep in classes, when I`m not with the rockers to keep me entertained. During an impressively frustrating day ( such as one with events like Andrei Morar getting beat-up and mugged, teachers giving unfair grades, colleagues yelling and being as passive and trivial as always, so on and so forth ), I can feel my heart rotting and the adrenalin rushing through my veins, resulting in anger, rage and frustration. You can`t imagine the stupid things I do in this situation, things that hurt others and eventually, me too, when I remember and think them through all over again.
First, it`s like I`m walking on clouds since school started; I can`t get used to the schedule, I daydream and do anything else but study or the homework. My room`s a mess, my life`s a mess, and it doesn`t seem to be enough to make me clean up. Both of them… I feel like a dreamy bohemian artist, who only reads, writes and plays the guitar, not having anything to do with the real world. Then, I find myself skipping classes, but without any reason besides an overwhelming rage that I just can`t take, so I jump in the bus, heading home, to lock my thoughts better in the strongbox of my head. Or, like today, I start shouting and say ugly things to persons who irritate me involuntary ( today Ioana and Cotoara… ).
At night, everything is getting more and more complex and I seem to be draining all my rage back towards myself. Then it gets lonely as hell…

It comes to me what a lonely wolf means…

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4 Responses to “Anger, rage, temper… loneliness.”

  1. Auras

    I’m sorry to say this but that is some preety fucked up shit! Take a vacation. Read something, even a magazine. Get out. Do something!

  2. Roxa Trutza

    I read a lot, thank you… and go out as well… that`s not it.

  3. boyarul

    You’re just tryin’ to play “rebel style”. But you don’t know how to handle it well [yet].

  4. Roxa Trutza

    I`m not playin`. I am a rebel. Chained rebel.

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