Fascination Street

The most ridiculous fear in life is the fear of being ridiculous

Misery loves company

It`s back and I`m feeling alive again, not just some numb imitation of life. Who ? Or better said… what ? Pain. I`m loosing it again. It started at the English class, where the main theme of debate was friendship. Frustrating, as I`ve realized all sorts of things while the teacher asked us questions. Then, in the bus station, while I was waiting for the 23 with Ioana, a weird conversation began about food, and then all my spontaneity was centralized on explaining Ioana how animals are slaughtered in the new Sepultura horror video ‘Convicted In Life’ (incredible – for dark art lovers). The purpose was to sicken her, but we ended up in depressive thoughts about life and people.

Like all that wasn`t enough, I came home, and had a conversation with my dad. I just love him, I adore him. He`s so gentle and mild… His wisdom and the way he talks to me are unexplainably beautiful. He cares so much… too much. There`s nothing in the world I worship more than my folks. I don`t know where I`d be without them. They try so hard to do everything right for me, to offer me everything I need, they try to show me a path, maybe not the good one for me, but they try. I`m sorry, I`m so sorry for everything I ever did to them. There`s nothing I want more in these moments then to make them happy in some way. In any way. But I can`t. I`m no good, and never will be. No, mom and dad, I don`t know if my future will shine. I don`t know if you`ll ever feel proud of me. I can`t promise anything, I did one mistake and it`ll affect all my existence. But I`m trying. I`m sorry I`m not what you wish I was. But I know you`ll love me as full of shit as I am. I can`t ever thank you enough.

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6 Responses to “Misery loves company”

  1. Vanessa

    well roxa, what can i tell you? parents will always be parents. no mather what, they will always be there for us. no mather what they do, or try to do, i believe that they do it thinking that it will be the best for us, even if we don’t agree, we just have to talk to them about it, make them see what we want, and they will suport us! ;)

  2. ionuca

    :( That was very touching. I have the same feelings towards my mum. And I feel like shit everytime I let her down. The only thing I want is to make her happy and proud of me.

    Don’t worry dudette, I’m sure your parents are damn proud to have such an intelligent, cute, nice girl like you. And it’s normal tolet them down from time to time. That’s what we children to. :) Just tell them how much you love them. I’m sure that will mean a lot to them. >:D<

  3. grey

    a perfect person is a boring one. :D imagine how boring a perfect teen is [if exists]. i don’t know what kind of parents would want that. don’t be so hard on yourself. hug them from time to time and try to laugh when you screw things up… laugh with them.

  4. Alex

    GOO GOO Dols right? The quote…?
    Hey chin up, this too shall pass…

  5. ionuca

    Goddamn, those typos!!!! X( Sorry, Roxa, for my many typos, but I normally don’t read smth after I wrote it. :(

  6. Roxa Trutza

    Vanessa, you are so right… although talking sometimes doesn`t help. They`re ours, we can`t choose them, and we do love them, it`s in our nature to do so.

    Ionuca… thank you for your words. >:D< And don`t worry about the typos, just remember mine and you`ll ease your pain. =)) Grey… I am laughing now, but in the past I couldn`t. Even now, the laugh`s half honest. I guess you understand… Alex, hey there ! Long time, no blog, eh ? :) Yeah, you`re tight, it`s Goo Goo Dolls ( Iris ) 100%.

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