Like all that wasn`t enough, I came home, and had a conversation with my dad. I just love him, I adore him. He`s so gentle and mild… His wisdom and the way he talks to me are unexplainably beautiful. He cares so much… too much. There`s nothing in the world I worship more than my folks. I don`t know where I`d be without them. They try so hard to do everything right for me, to offer me everything I need, they try to show me a path, maybe not the good one for me, but they try. I`m sorry, I`m so sorry for everything I ever did to them. There`s nothing I want more in these moments then to make them happy in some way. In any way. But I can`t. I`m no good, and never will be. No, mom and dad, I don`t know if my future will shine. I don`t know if you`ll ever feel proud of me. I can`t promise anything, I did one mistake and it`ll affect all my existence. But I`m trying. I`m sorry I`m not what you wish I was. But I know you`ll love me as full of shit as I am. I can`t ever thank you enough.
It`s back and I`m feeling alive again, not just some numb imitation of life. Who ? Or better said… what ? Pain. I`m loosing it again. It started at the English class, where the main theme of debate was friendship. Frustrating, as I`ve realized all sorts of things while the teacher asked us questions. Then, in the bus station, while I was waiting for the 23 with Ioana, a weird conversation began about food, and then all my spontaneity was centralized on explaining Ioana how animals are slaughtered in the new Sepultura horror video ‘Convicted In Life’ (incredible – for dark art lovers). The purpose was to sicken her, but we ended up in depressive thoughts about life and people.