Conversation with best friend after too many people have told me they’d played Catan these holidays.

Me: I find it really sad that I’m the only person on this planet who knows shit about playing boardgames. I think I only played Monopoly once.

Him: Well, you had other social activities… like sex. And drinking. And loud music.

Me: Yeah but sometimes I just wish I had a group of friends who play Catan instead of goddamn strip poker.

Him: :)) I know you wanna see my boobs, but Catan is so dorky.

Me: I know, right? I think so too and I don’t even know how to play it. Maybe that’s why I don’t have friends who play Catan.

Him: I’ve played that game. It’s… sort of like Warcraft, but without the fights.

Who wants friends who play Catan anyway? Or friends, for that matter. Fuck this, the grapes shall forevermore be sour.